Expectations and the Prince Myth

The Prince Myth
Let's start with the Prince Myth because I think that will be fun to explore. By the prince myth, I mean the fairy tale lie all (well, American for starters) little boys and girls are fed from an early age that incorporates some damsel in distress and then some prince guy who rides in and saves the damsel and the day. There's love, birds chirping, and all is right with the world.

I say enough! Enough with the tall tales that will mess up your little girls (and boys) for life, particularly if they are unlucky in the love department. Let me break it down to you as far as my experience goes. First, I was promised a life of magic and happiness when I fall in love with my prince. Yes, Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Pretty Woman (well, ok, I was older). Then, they pushed the feminist, independent, "you can do whatever you want and be whatever you want" rhetoric down my throat and at the same time told me I had to serve my man, obey my husband, and have babies/raise a family. Want to be a doctor, be a doctor? Want to be a teacher, be a teacher. But go to school you must because you have to be something otherwise your life will be harder than it needs to be. (Who says?) So you must be independent, self-sufficient, and make something else of yourself in addition to finding and marrying your prince so you can live happily ever after and have a ton of babies. I don't think you told me what to do after that if that plan didn't work out. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Way to give mixed messages. If I sound bitter, it's because I am. Clearly I'm meant to do things differently....what the hell are they? At what point am I privvy to those plans? And what if the plan worked out? Do you try and do it all and possibly alienate your children by not being around, do you give up the career to be a stay at home mom and possibly give up/postpone your dream, or do you choose a career over family life? I guess the answer is yes, but I didn't plan to be a data analyst. I didn't choose a career I was passionate about, I just chose a career because I was supposed to. Have to make a living because clearly Prince Whateverthehell has not arrived yet on his steed. Where is he? (And I still believe it!!!!!!! ACK! Damn, I am bitter.)

Expectations
Met a guy, not for me, I know he's not for me (I just KNOW plus if anyone is resuing anyone, it would be me to him...he's bad on paper), I go farther than I should because I crave intimacy--sex does not equal intimacy--and this guy just wants to be friends. Well, he did want to have sex with me and was pretty verbal/teasing/slightly pushy about it. I figured I had nothing else going on so I'd see what happened. But as usual, they go to the dark side right away. This one says he's not ready for a relationship and we all know what that means. So what changed after we got naked? And for the record, we had "almost sex." Almost but not quite as we didn't have condoms. He did reach climax (sounds so clinical) and it was fine. Or so I thought. Apparently it's something he feels guilty about, as if he was just using me for sex which is not what he's really about and he doesn't want to hurt me or disappoint me with any expectations I might have. WHICH IS FUNNY if you think about it since apparently he was. Well, he says he wasn't, that he really thinks I'm wonderful, and wants to be friends. Ok, want to be friends? Prove it. You might ask me why I care, but really it's because I can't handle being around another liar and it would be nice to have him actually be a friend if he can. In some ways I think I want to be friends so I can hang out with his cute little boy and I refuse to feel badly about it. Plus, he's handy and could probably help paint the house (or maybe I can pay him to, with a discount of course). But if he thinks I'm going to have sex with him and be lovey dovey when the relationship is not going anywhere he has another thing coming. I am not doing it again. I refuse to be with someone who isn't right for me in the hopes that they'll change their mind one day when they're ready. No way.

I think he really is messed up though so good for him on showing this side early before I might have been duped into thinking there was a future. I guess marrying someone (2nd marriage) after 2 months of knowing each other and her leaving you just two and a half years plus a small child into it, well yeah, that could mess someone up. Still not my problem.

A ponder for later...why do people put up personal ads saying one thing when they mean another? I'm tired of being the sucker fish that catches those hooks. Back to avoiding online dating and trying to meet people in the real world. It's for the best.